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Supporting Women in Ecstatic Birth

As the idea of Ecstatic Birth (and its Orgasmic soul sister) becomes more widespread, demand is rising for practitioners that can support expectant moms in these modalities.

If you have been working as a birth practitioner you have likely witnessed a wide variety of births– ones that make your heart sing and others that may have made your heart ache. You know that there is no way to ensure any specific outcome in birth- that is a co-creation between the mom, the baby and the divine.  However, the difference between a birth that feels traumatic as opposed to ecstatic is rarely in the specific details, but in how a birthing mom processes the experience.

Practitioners, you stand at the doorway of this very sacred rite of passage, and you have a magnificent opportunity to elevate the experience of every woman you work with.  I’ve put together some of the most essential factors to consider in your prenatal and birth work.

A simple strategy to elevate your birth experience

Childbirth can be deeply empowering, pleasurable, ecstatic and even orgasmic.

Yet most women experience the opposite.

There is a HUGE  gap between the possibility and the reality.

The gap is not whether or not Ecstatic Births actually exist.

The gap is in how we are raised, our relationships to our bodies, the structures of training and support that exist (or not) for women, the healthcare system, the legal system and so much more.

I see so so many women judging themselves harshly or feeling down in the dumps for not “achieving” this ideal.

That is the heart of the matter right there–

Ecstatic Birth is an IDEAL and ideals are not a measure by which to judge ourselves, but a source of inspiration, elevation.

While bringing the image of the picture perfect birth you have in your mind into reality is incredibly difficult,  (when does life ever conform perfectly to our ideals?) elevating your experience of birth is astoundingly simple.

Let me show you what I mean via this fool-proof 3 step strategy:

How do you prepare for an Ecstatic Birth?

The day your baby is born is one of the most momentous days of your life. Childbirth can be one of the most transformative ecstatic experiences in a woman’s life.

Unfortunately, that is not the typical experience our society is serving up in labor and delivery. Most women emerge from childbirth in a haze, many of them unconscious victims of trauma (as I was). We accept this because that is what we are taught childbirth is meant to be, culturally, religiously, and societally. If we make the same choices as everyone around us, this is what we will usually get.

To have a different experience, a woman must be willing to make different choices, to prepare with her mind, body and soul in a different direction. Ecstatic Births are not the norm (yet) and so it requires a certain ferocity to forge a different path.

The Most Holistic Birthing Tool

How can we support a birth to progress with as much ease as possible?

There are many many tools an expectant mama and her support team can use. On the natural side- movement, massage and water can be incredibly supportive of the progression of labor.

Right now, I want to focus on how you can best holistically support the natural process of birth with PLEASURE.

You read that right. Pleasure.

Pleasure is the most holistic birthing tool there is.

How is that possible when 90% of women associate birth with pain? Well, your birthing body and your sexual body are one and the same.

Top Ten Reasons Women Birth in Pain (rather than pleasure)

“Why do most people tend to birth in pain rather than in pleasure?”

This is the question I am asked most often when I share about Ecstatic Birth. There isn’t just one answer to this, but a whole host of answers.

I’ve compiled what I see as the top 10 major factors women birth in pain as opposed to pleasure.

Some of them may surprise you…

10. It is our religious inheritance. Remember when Eve took a bite of that apple in the Garden of Eden? Womankind’s punishment for her sin was to suffer through childbirth. To birth any other way would be blasphemous.adam and eve

9. It is our cultural inheritance. Look at all the messages around us- How does the media depict birth? How do the moms around you talk about birth? Overwhelmingly our cultural messages reinforce the idea that birth hurts. Women who have had alternate experiences are often ashamed to speak up and if they do, risked being ostracized or outcast, especially if they speak of experiencing pleasure during birth.

8. We are stuck in our heads. In modern society, our bodies are primarily a means to get our heads from place to place. Mental, rational intelligence is valued above all others and yet you can’t think your way through birth. Birth is a primal full body experience. We must be able to let go of rational thought and get fully into our bodies, feeling each sensation, and be guided by its wisdom.

7. We don’t trust our bodies. In this age of cancer there is an underlying current of fear that our bodies will betray us despite our best intentions. Our bodies seem do things we can’t control and don’t understand yet this is all a symptom of our grand disconnect from ourselves. Our bodies are so wise. They hold primal wisdom, generational wisdom, experiential wisdom, all in addition to our mental rational wisdom. If we can learn to listen and honor that it would change everything.