“Why do most people tend to birth in pain rather than in pleasure?”
This is the question I am asked most often when I share about Ecstatic Birth. There isn’t just one answer to this, but a whole host of answers.
I’ve compiled what I see as the top 10 major factors women birth in pain as opposed to pleasure.
Some of them may surprise you…
10. It is our religious inheritance. Remember when Eve took a bite of that apple in the Garden of Eden? Womankind’s punishment for her sin was to suffer through childbirth. To birth any other way would be blasphemous.
9. It is our cultural inheritance. Look at all the messages around us- How does the media depict birth? How do the moms around you talk about birth? Overwhelmingly our cultural messages reinforce the idea that birth hurts. Women who have had alternate experiences are often ashamed to speak up and if they do, risked being ostracized or outcast, especially if they speak of experiencing pleasure during birth.
8. We are stuck in our heads. In modern society, our bodies are primarily a means to get our heads from place to place. Mental, rational intelligence is valued above all others and yet you can’t think your way through birth. Birth is a primal full body experience. We must be able to let go of rational thought and get fully into our bodies, feeling each sensation, and be guided by its wisdom.
7. We don’t trust our bodies. In this age of cancer there is an underlying current of fear that our bodies will betray us despite our best intentions. Our bodies seem do things we can’t control and don’t understand yet this is all a symptom of our grand disconnect from ourselves. Our bodies are so wise. They hold primal wisdom, generational wisdom, experiential wisdom, all in addition to our mental rational wisdom. If we can learn to listen and honor that it would change everything.
Since l began offering my 20 minute complimentary consults, I have had the privilege of speaking with quite a few women at various stages of expectant motherhood, some pregnant and others hoping to be soon.
The overwhelming majority of calls I get are from mamas who are in what I call the “eeeek” zone, late 3rd trimester and full of fear.
At such a late stage in pregnancy it may feel like it is too late to undertake any truly transformational birth preparation, but in reality there are two major shifts that can make a huge difference taking her from “eeek” to positive anticipation of her baby’s birth- disarming her fears and using pleasure as a comfort tool.
Consistently, the biggest piece of advice I give women interested in Ecstatic Birth is to connect more deeply to their bodies and their sensuality.. to learn to feeeeeeel more pleasure.. to learn how to tap into that sensual energy at will.
This not only makes your physical experience of birth better, but it makes life in and out of the bedroom way better too.
There was a time long ago when I felt really whiney about my orgasms and then I met Saida Désilets who encouraged me to disconnect from any expectations and focus instead on my connection with myself.
Thus began an eye opening, mind blowing journey into what is possible.
Sensuality is a powerful tool women can use to enhance their experience during labor and birth. Melting into her sensual nature allows a birthing woman to fully relax, stay present, and enjoy the process of labor and delivery.
Giving birth is the culmination of the sexual act. You birth with all of your sexual organs, stimulating and flooding them with sensation. Childbirth at its best also mirrors the trance states of arousal and orgasm. Melting into her sensuality heightens a woman’s experience of pleasure during childbirth, much like it does during sex.
Sensuality at its essence is a practice, a way of experiencing life. What if you were to treat your birth like the sensual ride of your life? What would that mean? What would your birth prep look like? Read on to learn specifically about sensuality as an aspect of preparation for an Ecstatic Birth.
This week on the blog I am excited to introduce you to a very special woman, Dr. Peta Elmer. I met Peta a few years back when she joined me for my sensual expansion study group and then took the leap with me when I launched my first ever Ecstatic Birth Practitioner Training.
Peta practices Chinese medicine in Australia and is as passionate about supporting women in pleasurable birth as I am. She is actively involved in our budding community of Ecstatic Birth practitioners (graduates are invited back into subsequent trainings each year) and consistently brings amazing insights into our work and training.
One of the most remarkable aspects of my Ecstatic Birth Practitioner Training is the unique zones of genius each woman brings forth, building and expanding our collective wisdom around Ecstatic Birth.
(Birthworkers, click here for more info and to join my Ecstatic Birth Practitioner Training beginning June 13th.)
In this blog post, Peta illustrates how the constriction of sexual energy throughout a woman’s life is a root cause of the sensation of pain in birth and shares several suggestions on how to support the flow of Qi for pleasurable birthing.
It is an honor to share her wisdom with you! Enjoy her as I do…