Childbirth can be deeply empowering, pleasurable, ecstatic and even orgasmic.
Yet most women experience the opposite.
There is a HUGE gap between the possibility and the reality.
The gap is not whether or not Ecstatic Births actually exist.
The gap is in how we are raised, our relationships to our bodies, the structures of training and support that exist (or not) for women, the healthcare system, the legal system and so much more.
I see so so many women judging themselves harshly or feeling down in the dumps for not “achieving” this ideal.
That is the heart of the matter right there–
Ecstatic Birth is an IDEAL and ideals are not a measure by which to judge ourselves, but a source of inspiration, elevation.
While bringing the image of the picture perfect birth you have in your mind into reality is incredibly difficult, (when does life ever conform perfectly to our ideals?) elevating your experience of birth is astoundingly simple.
Let me show you what I mean via this fool-proof 3 step strategy:
The day your baby is born is one of the most momentous days of your life. Childbirth can be one of the most transformative ecstatic experiences in a woman’s life.
Unfortunately, that is not the typical experience our society is serving up in labor and delivery. Most women emerge from childbirth in a haze, many of them unconscious victims of trauma (as I was). We accept this because that is what we are taught childbirth is meant to be, culturally, religiously, and societally. If we make the same choices as everyone around us, this is what we will usually get.
To have a different experience, a woman must be willing to make different choices, to prepare with her mind, body and soul in a different direction. Ecstatic Births are not the norm (yet) and so it requires a certain ferocity to forge a different path.
How can we support a birth to progress with as much ease as possible?
There are many many tools an expectant mama and her support team can use. On the natural side- movement, massage and water can be incredibly supportive of the progression of labor.
Right now, I want to focus on how you can best holistically support the natural process of birth with PLEASURE.
You read that right. Pleasure.
Pleasure is the most holistic birthing tool there is.
How is that possible when 90% of women associate birth with pain? Well, your birthing body and your sexual body are one and the same.
“Why do most people tend to birth in pain rather than in pleasure?”
This is the question I am asked most often when I share about Ecstatic Birth. There isn’t just one answer to this, but a whole host of answers.
I’ve compiled what I see as the top 10 major factors women birth in pain as opposed to pleasure.
Some of them may surprise you…
10. It is our religious inheritance. Remember when Eve took a bite of that apple in the Garden of Eden? Womankind’s punishment for her sin was to suffer through childbirth. To birth any other way would be blasphemous.
9. It is our cultural inheritance. Look at all the messages around us- How does the media depict birth? How do the moms around you talk about birth? Overwhelmingly our cultural messages reinforce the idea that birth hurts. Women who have had alternate experiences are often ashamed to speak up and if they do, risked being ostracized or outcast, especially if they speak of experiencing pleasure during birth.
8. We are stuck in our heads. In modern society, our bodies are primarily a means to get our heads from place to place. Mental, rational intelligence is valued above all others and yet you can’t think your way through birth. Birth is a primal full body experience. We must be able to let go of rational thought and get fully into our bodies, feeling each sensation, and be guided by its wisdom.
7. We don’t trust our bodies. In this age of cancer there is an underlying current of fear that our bodies will betray us despite our best intentions. Our bodies seem do things we can’t control and don’t understand yet this is all a symptom of our grand disconnect from ourselves. Our bodies are so wise. They hold primal wisdom, generational wisdom, experiential wisdom, all in addition to our mental rational wisdom. If we can learn to listen and honor that it would change everything.
Since l began offering my 20 minute complimentary consults, I have had the privilege of speaking with quite a few women at various stages of expectant motherhood, some pregnant and others hoping to be soon.
The overwhelming majority of calls I get are from mamas who are in what I call the “eeeek” zone, late 3rd trimester and full of fear.
At such a late stage in pregnancy it may feel like it is too late to undertake any truly transformational birth preparation, but in reality there are two major shifts that can make a huge difference taking her from “eeek” to positive anticipation of her baby’s birth- disarming her fears and using pleasure as a comfort tool.