So many of the women I speak to these days feel triggered, depressed, angry, tired, numb or heavy. The first thing you need to know is that right now upheaval is the norm rather than the exception. What is happening on a universal level is a stirring, a rising in energy which is bringing up old patterns to be released as we usher in a new age of being.
In the process of that release we are seeing the demons of our life, our society and culture flash before our eyes and nowhere is this more apparent than in the current election in the US. Consciously or unconsciously that can be very difficult to watch and weighs on each of us, especially women.
The word objectification has been thrown around for eons in relation to women. Let’s really take a look at that.. Treating a woman as an object… , a woman’s body as a “thing” to be owned, manipulated or governed.
There are the obvious ways– the ones we can readily identify and have been taught to look out for… beauty pageants, advertising, pornography, the seemingly endless fight over abortion, sex slavery….
Then there are the infinite more subtle ways in which we have been trained, in which we or our loved ones, despite the best of intentions, may be complicit.
How can we support a birth to progress with as much ease as possible?
There are many many tools an expectant mama and her support team can use. On the natural side- movement, massage and water can be incredibly supportive of the progression of labor.
Right now, I want to focus on how you can best holistically support the natural process of birth with PLEASURE.
You read that right. Pleasure.
Pleasure is the most holistic birthing tool there is.
How is that possible when 90% of women associate birth with pain? Well, your birthing body and your sexual body are one and the same.
“Why do most people tend to birth in pain rather than in pleasure?”
This is the question I am asked most often when I share about Ecstatic Birth. There isn’t just one answer to this, but a whole host of answers.
I’ve compiled what I see as the top 10 major factors women birth in pain as opposed to pleasure.
Some of them may surprise you…
10. It is our religious inheritance. Remember when Eve took a bite of that apple in the Garden of Eden? Womankind’s punishment for her sin was to suffer through childbirth. To birth any other way would be blasphemous.
9. It is our cultural inheritance. Look at all the messages around us- How does the media depict birth? How do the moms around you talk about birth? Overwhelmingly our cultural messages reinforce the idea that birth hurts. Women who have had alternate experiences are often ashamed to speak up and if they do, risked being ostracized or outcast, especially if they speak of experiencing pleasure during birth.
8. We are stuck in our heads. In modern society, our bodies are primarily a means to get our heads from place to place. Mental, rational intelligence is valued above all others and yet you can’t think your way through birth. Birth is a primal full body experience. We must be able to let go of rational thought and get fully into our bodies, feeling each sensation, and be guided by its wisdom.
7. We don’t trust our bodies. In this age of cancer there is an underlying current of fear that our bodies will betray us despite our best intentions. Our bodies seem do things we can’t control and don’t understand yet this is all a symptom of our grand disconnect from ourselves. Our bodies are so wise. They hold primal wisdom, generational wisdom, experiential wisdom, all in addition to our mental rational wisdom. If we can learn to listen and honor that it would change everything.
For most of my younger years I was fiercely independent, adamant that I was strong enough, sharp enough, fill in the blank “x” enough, to navigate my path and create what I wanted in life.
Asking for help felt like a sign of weakness, an acknowledgment that I wasn’t capable enough to succeed on my own.
Motherhood knocked me waaaaay off that pedestal. I remember holding my baby boy, so small and tender and vulnerable and realizing how much I wanted for him in life. In that moment, I was his whole world, but I wanted so much more for him than I alone could give him. I realized that I would do anything to protect and nurture him towards his highest good, even ask for help.
Thus came my introduction to the wonderful world of motherhood where very little is possible through singular sheer determination and strength, but everything is possible within community.
Thirteen years in, here is the conclusion that I have come to-
Support is not a sign of your weakness, but a way to be stronger than you could ever be alone.
It is a lesson that doesn’t come naturally to me, nor for most of the women I work with. There is a glorification of the “hero’s journey” in our society, that vision of a single solitary person forging out into the world and succeeding against all odds.
But ladies, none of us are heroes.
There are as many different ways to prepare for an Ecstatic Birth as there are women on the planet. Each woman is unique and has her own unique desires, experiences, fears and circumstances.
Connecting women to their inner wisdom is a huge part of the work that I do with my private clients. However there is one element that is completely universal, that I touch upon with every woman I work with, right away, up front and center.
The single most important factor in preparing for your birth.. is surrounding yourself with people that believe in you, your body’s wisdom, and can hold your vision for you, unequivocally.
I remember interviewing my first OB… asking her if she could support my desire to birth naturally. She said, “Of course! I will do whatever you want, but keep an open mind. Wait till you feel that first contraction…” If only I had had the wisdom, the courage, and the conviction to walk away at the moment and find someone truly aligned with my desire for a natural birth, I would have saved my body from a whole lot of trauma.
Imagine if your practitioner spoke to you about using pleasure as a holistic birthing tool? About accessing the wisdom of your body, the bliss that is always available within? Imagine if she could fully hold your vision of an Ecstatic Birth for you mind, body, and soul- even when you were doubting yourself?