50 Shades of Truth

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Wow what a phenomena 50 Shades has brought on…  releasing us from the shackles of our sexual repression. Or has it?

There is no doubt it has blasted open DESIRE…

… and with it conversations about sexuality and pleasure.50 shades

Thank you EL James for liberating us from the confines of sexual propriety. Thank you for bringing our deep feminine lust upfront and center.

We women are hungry for pleasure. There can no longer be any doubt about that and now we are a little less shy about it.

The 50 Shades trilogy feeds on women’s fantasies and truths.

Eternal truth #1 is that we want pleasure. We want rapture. We want to shatter and dissolve with the force of our orgasm.

All of this is true and yet I am so grateful that my daughters are too young to be a witness to any of this.

(Moms of teenage girls, I am holding a strong love beam over you at this moment in time.)

My objection has nothing (ok maybe just a very little) to do with the whips and chains and has everything to do with Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella.

The deep fallacy in 50 Shades is that under the guise of liberation it perpetuates a fantasy that has been binding women for thousands of years.


I admit it is true:

We want to be chosen

We want to feel special

We want to feel pursued

But is it enough to just show up and look pretty and the prince will fall for us and our  lives will transform?

There is a level of passivity here that is deeply disturbing. As if we have no control over our destiny.

This is reflective in the sexual pleasure Anastasia receives as well. It is simply served up to her.

She was a pure chaste virgin. The prince chose her and now the mindblowing orgasms follow.  He literally serves them to her. She literally has her hands tied behind her back.

I am sick and tired of receiving this level of bullshit in our cultural messaging.

Our girls deserve better and we all know it which is why Elsa is currently the reigning Disney princess.

My mentor, Mama Gena, asserts that pleasure is a discipline and I have found this to be the most liberating truth of all.

It puts your life, your journey, your emotional, physical, and spiritual pleasure in your hands.

There is deep empowerment in that.

Ladies, the route to deep profound bone shattering pleasure is not in being forcibly restrained. It is not in your passivity. It lies in fully owning your power.

A woman that owns her journey and knows her power can then unlock the gifts of receptivity. Only then can she lay back and receive every delicious drop of pleasure being served to her.frozen_67821

This is a huge piece of the work I do with expectant mamas supporting them to take back their power, to take responsibility for their births rather than leave it at the feet of their practitioners.

The ties that bind women and keep them from experiencing full out ecstasy in their lives, in the bedrooms, and in their births are everywhere from the cultural to the deeply personal and everything in between.

The trick is to identify the shackles that are unconsciously holding you back and to release them so that pleasure can flow.

The women I work with access states of ecstasy in their bodies and souls that have little to do with the specific details of how their births play out.

The truly fierce seek me out before they even conceive because they know that tapping into the physical experience of ecstasy in the body is a journey that takes time, like any discipline.

A woman can open herself to receiving cosmic levels of pleasure with the touch of a feather. That is the gift of empowered receptivity.

It is worth noting that in the arc of the 50 Shades story, Anastasia actually ends up being the one who saves Grey.

What woman hasn’t dated a man she thought she could heal on some level?

This touches on our deepest and perhaps most buried truth of all, that our sexual energy is powerful and profoundly healing to us, to our partners and to the world at large.

Our sexual energy is the energy that brings our babies into this world from conception to birth.  It is literally the energy of creation, the energy that connects us to the divine.

It may be too soon in our cultural evolution to stand fully there, but we are well on the way.

Can you feel it?

Sheila Kamara Hay

Hi! I'm Sheila Kamara Hay

I'm an Ecstatic Birth advocate and trainer. I’m passionate about providing you with the tools and resources to create your own Ecstatic Birth.

Much love,
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