Last week I had the privilege of speaking with a group of women about my birth experiences, finding pleasure in birth and how birthing a baby is an incredible template for birthing anything in life- a creative project, a new job or relationship, a reinvention of ourselves.
This talk was deeply personal and probably one of the most powerful talks I have ever given. You could have heard a pin drop when I was done.
Here is the thing- I did great. I really did. But when I was preparing I had a much grander vision for how I would deliver my talk, with more vibrant expression and a strong (definitely not wobbly) voice. After I delivered my talk, it was so easy to focus on what I could have done better and where I fell short. I had to catch myself, repeatedly, so that I could really savor the pleasure of what I had birthed that night.
I think about having another baby every day. My body is so different now. I feel so much more pleasure than I did 6 years ago when I birthed my youngest daughter in ecstasy. I always wonder what it would be like to give birth with this body. I almost feel like I wouldn’t be able to help it. It would definitely be orgasmic.
Can you hear the quest for perfection here? That the talk I gave or the births I had somehow were not good enough (despite being f@#$ amazing) because they did not meet the ideal in my mind…
It’s been about 3 years since I started this journey as a self-declared Ecstatic Birth advocate and during this time I have been touched by all the love and passion I’ve connected with from expectant mamas and the birth community as a whole.
I’ve also watched in wonder as so many of the ideas and hopes I’ve had have begun to come to fruition, some sparked by me, but most by a movement waaaay larger than me.
I feel so hopeful that the landscape of birth is shifting and that by the time my daughters give birth, it will not be considered an oxymoron to give birth with pleasure, but an option as widespread and accepted as an epidural.
Sometimes I wonder if I am so entrenched in what I want women to know about Ecstatic Birth that I’ve lost the pulse on what women actually want to know.
So in the spirit of love, I’ll be hosting a Valentine’s Eve Q&A call.
What do YOU want to know about pleasure and birth?
Ask me anything.
When thinking about the idea of enjoying childbirth, there is nothing more intriguing… and hexing than the idea of an orgasmic birth. We are the children of Eve, or, at least, we have been brought up on that story. How could childbirth ever be physically pleasurable? Emotionally maybe, spiritually definitely, but physically?
If you take a moment, however, to really think about the body parts involved in birth- well, it isn’t as far of a reach as you might have thought, right?
The idea of orgasms and birth coinciding may take a bit of cultural reconditioning, but on a physical level they are quite complementary. There are two ways to think about it.
Orgasm as a birth tool.
Orgasm as a spontaneous part of the birthing process.
The first is relatively straightforward.
Orgasms can be used to jump start labor. They can be used to move a sluggish labor along. They can also, perhaps most intriguingly, be used to manage labor. How?
Orgasms are a powerful natural pain killer, more powerful than some of the strongest drugs out there. Don’t believe me? Google it. You will be flooded with all the research and stats.
The second- the idea of a spontaneous orgasmic birth is more slippery.
This past fall I started teaching live-stream classes online about Ecstatic Birth. These class are hosted by en*theos a fabulous, progressive, online learning academy. This is a huge opportunity to share my voice with a wider audience and I was excited to do this, but while preparing for my first class I had a total meltdown.
I’d never done this before. I’m a writer, not a speaker. I don’t “do” video. I don’t like to be seen.
After I finished ranting to anyone who would listen… I had an epiphany. This was a birth. I was birthing a whole new version of myself and I should prepare myself accordingly. I decided to use everything I know about preparing for birth to guide me.
As creative beings we are birthing all the time. Our creative babies can challenge us just as much if not more than our physical ones. Just like in childbirth, fears come up along the way and clearing them is an opportunity for huge growth and healing.
Here is my protocol for dealing with fear….
We are so lucky to live in a time where there so much information about childbirth right at our fingertips and more and more emerges each day. There are so many books, dvds, live classes, online trainings… It is virtually impossible to do them all. How do we choose?
The key, I believe, is developing a strong relationship with your inner wisdom. It is a very different voice than that of your mind. Your inner wisdom has access to all of you, your life experiences, your hopes, dreams, and fears.
Learning to tap into your inner wisdom is one of the essential ingredients to preparing for an Ecstatic Birth.
For those of us living in the western world, it can be so easy to get lost in our abundance. We are surrounded by good and plenty. Learning to navigate all of that with ease is essential if we are going to stay in our pleasure. I believe learning to be guided by our inner wisdom is the next stage of our evolution as people.